I’m in the city. Having fun with Destiny, but concerned about the house. I don’t like leaving it for more than a few days with the oil stove on. I did it the first year but haven’t since. It’s safe. The mice are probably having a party in our kitchen. The cat is in the city too. Destiny wants to keep her here for a couple of weeks. She is off on the 16th for Christmas so we get two good weeks up there in a  winter wonderland (hopeful). I got a good feeling it will be.

Strange typing here on WordPress after so many years at Blogger. Feels more grown up,  but not as easy yet. I avoid coming here after a good start, but I think once I get the playbook down it will be everything I want. I can master technology but it takes me a little longer than manual labour. Ha! Destiny might disagree. The studio is looking good though and I am excited to finish it.

We are looking at hoods. We want a hood I can function in. Do chores etc. We feel we need to eliminate my personality. My mouth. And for me, my eyes. The eyes are difficult, because we want me to be in some kind of service. So a partial vision would be good.

Last night I proposed one hour a night. I would be in the hood for one hour. We will see how it goes.  I said we don’t have to do it every night. Destiny laughed. She could do it every night. None of this is hard for her. It’s only hard for me. I feel I want it though. I always think of being like that around the house. Destiny does too.

Destiny would say not to think. Just do. The hood gives me that courage. I know, I have felt it. This is why I want a hood in which I can be mobile.  I have to get my head out of the game, in order to find this jewel. Not even as a mind bending D/s experience, but as a place of contentment.

The strong beat of sex however, is at the heart of strange desires. It will take you places you may be surprised to find yourself. Giving into that has always been a major ride for me. It’s hard to show my face sometimes.  My eyesight takes me out of the space. I become aware. Not good for a creature as me. Start thinking. Not good.

Yesterday, cleaning the bathroom, I could taste the sweetness of doing something for my most loved one. Knowing she appreciates it on an everyday level, and  also on a special level, as her role of provider and mine as domestic keeper. I place the toilet role in the holder as per her preference, paper over the roll. Our life together as partners.

Someone at her work said we were like a “backwards couple”.  We like that. We are a good team, and maybe the roles are reversed or we just blend differently. Maybe roles need more blurring in general. It’s good we found each other.

When I clean our bathroom I am soft. I might think of being taken, being overwhelmed, held so I couldn’t get away, and then entered.

Earlier she had complained about the paint drops I left on the back of the toilet. She had a fantasy of me scraping it off it in a ball gag. As I cleaned, I liked that idea, but was also shy about it. It’s about giving into a kind of ownership. It’s hard for me. I become a puddle. So I push it away. Perhaps swimming in the ownership pool for an hour a night will be a nice swim.

This morning I woke and thought my hair looked lovely. I told Destiny this, and I tousled it for her.  In my best high-pitched petulance, I cried that I thought I made a good ‘Ted’ (Ted is our name for the male handyman that inhabits my body.) but,  ”I would have loved being a girl, doing my hair with bobbles, wearing jewelry and colour, and high heels and stockings, skirts and flimsy blouses”. Destiny laughs. She says I do pretty well with all those things. True enough, they are all apart of my daily life at various times. Just like Ted, in his jeans, red plaid shirt, and work boots.

Yesterday I sent a text to Destiny saying I know I’m back in the city when I find myself in a skirt bent over the toilet cleaning the bathroom. She wrote back that it was good to have her ‘princess’ back. She has many names for me.

Perhaps a new one is on the horizon.

chance

Morning posts seem to be the thing these days. I get up pretty early some days. I could have got up at 4:30am but waited till 5.

430 still seems like night. I did a self portrait once called “he’s up so early its still late”.

Destiny has me a little horny lately. I made her a video last week of me fucking a dildo I taped to the wall.

She liked it and insisted on more. She liked how gritty it looked. The shot is drab, drywall in the background, a heater humming away. Single camera (blackberry phone) still shot.

I walk up in tights and T-shirt. Knees to chest frame. I caress the cock a second, turn around, peel the tights down, and slide right back on to it.

Then I fuck it hard because I know Destiny likes that, and I do too when it feels right. This cock feels right.

I fantasize of being kept there, impaled on that cock. Destiny commands me to fuck it till she decides to stop me. Then I just stay still.

I’m always being kept. All tied up, hoods gags, immobile impaled hanging.

I’m rock hard from just writing that last paragraph.

I only say that because I find it interesting how writing, or thinking a word, can cause a lot of my blood to congregate in one place. And fast.

Lightning fast really. I mean how fast is this stuff traveling?

I made more videos last night. I get excited while I do it. Last night Destiny wanted me to cum at the end. I was to torture my cock then cum.

I put my cock in the (butterfly)board Ms160 and sol gave us, a long time ago now. I don’t use it too much because I always have trouble putting it on. I have a lot of skin.

I think she would butterfly his cock to it with a million pins and then bathe it in burning chemicals. That sol knows how to fly, or should I say, Ms160 knows how to fly sol.

I get more of a humiliated, on display feeling, from it. I fantasize of wearing it while in a service mode around the house.

Not sure what that means exactly aside from some formal mansion, akin to something in the beauty books.

In our house I would be on display in the corner while Destiny ignores me until she needs something. Hard again now, very. Amazing really.

The board makes me more of an object, just a cock, it’s right there, out in front. Ridiculous really. Why does that get me excited.

I mean I have a fair amount of self respect. I’m hard on myself, but I’m hard on others too. Don’t suffer fools, rather be alone.

I admit when I’m away from Destiny my fantasies are harsher. I don’t know why. When together I’m almost embarrassed by it. Even after all these years.

I’m almost embarrassed to show her the videos. Its a funny feeling. I’m glad we are experimenting with video again.

I used to make videos when I lived on my own. Destiny loved them when we first met. That was very cool because they were creepy, and when she loved them it was another reason I knew she was for me.

Then we made some together and put them on the blog, then we got kicked off Youtube. We had many hours of fun making them.

Video brings me out of my shell a little. Ha, maybe too much, maybe that’s it. Chance can still be guarded. He is a control freak too. Strange dichotomy. Tie up the control freak. Feed and water it, treat it matter of fact.

chance

Its 5:30am, -5C, cool but not bad. Maybe all the insulation I put in is paying off.

Did some painting last night. Just having fun. Nothing really on the go these days as far as painting.

The house is my 3D painting or sculpture. I enjoy sculpting the landscape as well. This week I dug out stairs in two places. It looks great if you like Hobbit stairs. Which we do.

Can’t seem to insert pictures where I want. So far though this WordPress is pretty good.

Going to the city this weekend. Destiny was going to come here but time is limited by the time you get here and then a quick turnaround and back to work.

I’m glad because it means less driving for me as my driving leg has been bugging me lately. I want Destiny to breathe country air but it makes more sense to stay in the city.

We have changed our minds a few times so we will see. Last year I think it was too hard on us going back and forth so much.

I miss Destiny but I am really starting to enjoy being here all the time. This time of year is the best.

Very quiet here. No one around. I Love November. The hunters are bothersome but otherwise ok.

Okay publishing this. Have added after much difficulty 2 pics. I will get this though. I will blog with pics and video from my blackberry in the middle of nowhere yet.

This technology is made for a hermit freak like me.

chance

I tell her what I heard on the news; “50,000 blogs started everyday. Utube is like 30 million videos uploaded a day. Wow. Canadians online most in the world.”

Destiny responds; ” There has to be a way I can use that to my advantage with my Inn idea”

I tell her, “The book of Awesome guy is on talking about just that. How he got successful for absolutely free.”

“I should of wrote the book of awesome”, she says
“Lol, yes Mistress you should have, in fact I truly believe you have a good chance of being successful in your sincerity.
I’m supposed to be the ‘artist’ but I try too hard, think too much, you are sincere, innocent, you just do, without the why or why not. Its brilliant, I admire it and wish I was more like that.
I get it, in the middle of a drawing, or singing, or in extreme sexual depravity. I get it then, you maintain, I Love You.”
“Ahhhh ty pet love u 2″

“I am leaving now have a good day baby,Watch rupie” (rupe had a tic, I pulled it out with tweezers, gross)

“Yes Mistress, you have a good day too, be safe out there.”

This morning isn’t too cold but chilly still. I am wearing double pair of pantyhose, I know I’m a freak but I have been indulging more and more in my love of tights, leggings, and pantyhose.

Luckily Destiny likes me tights so its great. I just find them so comfortable and I feel sexy too. I know pantyhose can really suck but for me, at home, on a cool day I love it. I can still feel the air on my legs but slightly insulated.

I have a fetish for nylon. What a strange thing. A synthetic material. Not organic. I’m an earth creature too. I love the earth, the smell, grass. I don’t like flying or swimming. Water scares me but I enjoy looking at it from a distance.

I know one aspect of my nylon fetish involves feet in nylon, although when I was younger the scent of a soiled sock, or shoe. Earth creature, loves the scent of mould and decay. Funny given my crappy sinus system.

The strength of scent, I can’t imagine what information my dogs pick up as they sniff the wind.

I just love how slippery nylon can be. The second skin. I seem to be drawn to that as well.

A second skin. A barrier perhaps. Thoughts of objectification begin to seep in. Why this anonimity. Why the seperation.

I would be nothing more. I think of it. Kneeling beside Destiny. She eats the dinner I have prepared. My mouth is filled with the socks she has worn all day at work. She watches her space programs. I am silent.

So welcome to anyone who may be out there. Mostly this blog will be a lot of navel gazing, a lot of pictures, some nudity… yay nudity, and prose upon prose. It is a continuing story if not a particularly exciting one. It is the story of chance…and of Destiny, ha, fun with words.

Chance, a gender confused artist musician home handy person who is wholly supported by the lovely Destiny,his partner, wife, inspiration, his love, his Mistress.

Maybe Destiny will write once in a while, but mostly these are chance’s thoughts words actions.  Hopefully it will be a mobile blog. I’m excited by that. I started writing ‘Destiny and her pet chance’, in 2006. Almost 600 entries. Destiny wrote lots too.

I guess this blog, being more mobile will be more chance centric, but not much more than the last blog. The phone will allow for more quick posts or a spontaneous image. It feels more immediate already. I like that.  I don’t like planning too much.  I like to create instant, thinking as I go, solving as I go, making mistakes, doing it again, making it work. Writing has always been of the automatic form for me. I write till I stop. I edit, but mostly sentence/paragraph structure or spelling. Not too much editing.

Write it down send it off move on. Writing is a solitary adventure and it is one I revel with great anticipation and constant thought.

chance